Dog Mentality: A newsletter from a Birds fan abroad (or at least outside of Philadelphia)
- alecnewcomb12
- Oct 6, 2022
- 8 min read
Week 3 & 4: “Eagles vs The Commanders and Jaguars (respectively)”
(4-0)
Quick housekeeping note before we get into the good stuff.
I didn’t get a newsletter out for Week 3 as I was moving out of an apartment and caught COVID in the same week. So, since we’re about 25% through the regular season, I’m going to treat this update like a quarterly earnings report. Next week, the newsletter will return on schedule.
Now that housekeeping’s out of the way, let’s get into it.
Birds Beat the Commanders (24-8) and Jaguars (29-21)
The Birds handily beat a particularly lame Commanders squad. Wentz (tied for 12th in passing yards overall with 1,031) scared me before the week. I fully expected him to show up like Johnny Ringo in “Tombstone” to “play for blood.” Instead, he got sacked 6 times in the first half and another 3 in the second half. So in the end, Wentz spent as much time on his back as he did in the pocket. It had to hurt. Not much else to say; the Commanders suck. They fooled us into thinking otherwise with some high-yardage games but, if we do lose in a freak revenge game to The Commanders later in the season — to borrow from Florida’s resident troubadour, Jimmy Buffet —“It’ll be our own damn fault.”
The Jaguars drummed up a lot of good press the week before they played the Iggles. Talking head after talking head insisted on describing the Jags as “legit” in the run-up to the game. Ironically, the minute the game ended suddenly the Eagles “only beat the Jaguars.” Pick a lane, fellas. Football broadcasters have the principles of the Amish on rumspringa. Which is to say, they have none.
Everybody looked solid and even though the team was missing two starting linemen and a member of the secondary, our blitz strategy kept Lawrence occupied. Plus, Miles Sanders reminded everybody about his time simmering away on the bench at Penn State because their then-starter was Saquon fucking Barkley. All that time he spent strapped to the depth chart watching Barkley tear up the field must’ve created a desire for performative vengeance hereto unheard of outside of an entry in the “Mad Max” franchise.
Week 4 might, might, be the beginning of something special with Sanders — sure the Birds played the Jags in the rain — but Sanders ran a career-high 134 yards. This puts his Sunday performance in league with RBs like Barkley (who ran for 146 yards on 10/2) and Derrick Henry (who ran for 114 yards on 10/2).
So if the Jags game taught us anything it showed fans three things:
The Birds had no problem coming from behind.
Miles Sanders might be coming into his own as yet another threat defenses staring down the Birds will have to contend with.
Doug Peterson is likely not the brains of his football operations. Clearly, he’s the heart and leader of his team. Apparently, the locker room in Jacksonville is all good vibes and to Peterson’s credit he’s already tied Urban Meyer for Jags franchise wins in a single season. However, most Eagles fans began to suspect he wasn’t the Tony Stark type after offensive coordinator Frank Reich moved on to the HC position at the Colts. The Eagles never looked the same after their Super Bowl run (aka after Reich left) under Peterson’s leadership. On the other hand, Doug looks the same in every game. On any given Sunday fans can catch Doug on the sideline making what I like to call: “surprised face.” It doesn’t matter the situation. Whether he's up or there's a bad ruling or it’s time to call a timeout or so close it's painful, Peterson always responds like the neanderthal who first encountered fire. “HUH?!”
T.B.T. (The Big Take)
The Eagles are legit. No more hedging, it's time to start beating the drums. We’re the only 4-0 ball club in the NFL.
It’s looking like a deep playoff run for Sirianni and his dogs. Which is fantastic. However, fans like me can scream into the void all we want, but it won’t mean anything without numbers. Let’s look at the offenses’ Q1 earnings.
Jalen Hurts remains the truth. On 10/5 Skip Bayless Tweeted: “Jalen Hurts rated the Num. 1 passer-by Pro Football Focus. So how scared am I?” Ideally, you’re terrified, Skip. In Week 3, Hurts beat the record for most total yards by an Eagles QB in team history. The Keepers of the Stats are saying at this pace, Hurts is on track for an NFL record 5,465 total yards of offense. Currently, Drew Brees holds the record with 5,404 from his 2011 season. God bless anyone who still doubts this man.
AJ Brown is an edge player. When he gets the ball, he moves it. Currently, he’s caught receptions for a total of 404 yards (he’s tied at 3rd in the league for total yardage at WR). However, he’s only had 25 total receptions this season (tied for 12th in the league). The guy’s averaging 16.2 yards a reception. For WRs consistently taking snaps (he took 70 in Week 4, even though he was out of practice most of the week for the birth of his son AJ Brown Jr.), that number’s bananas. Hopefully, he gets even more successful looks in the red zone in the weeks ahead.
TE Dallas Goedert, like Brent Celek before him, remains consistently awesome. He may not be as flashy as Zach Ertz (but how many of us are), but to date, Goedert has racked up the 2nd most yards after the catch (207) in the NFL. He’s behind Austin Ekler (240). Incredible stuff.
We’ll dig into the other Eagles’ offensive weapons as the season continues, but as of now, we look mean. There are some hard games coming up. Hurts himself called the Cardinals “a good football” team during a previous press conference. And we still have showdowns with the Giants and the Cowboys. Neither team looks frightening, but neither team looks like a cakewalk either. Finally, in November we face the Nick Cage of the NFL himself, Aaron Rodgers. Just like the actor, you never know what you’re going to get. Could be an Oscar-winning performance or it could be “Ghost Rider 2: The Spirit of Vengeance.” Either way, it’ll be interesting.
Defense and other things
The Birds' defense is so mean, their stat breakdown requires no hedging. I’m about to do the guys over at P.T.I proud because this section will be brief.
Here are the sweet, sweet numbers:
16 sacks (1st in the NFL)
10 takeaways (1st in the NFL)
21 three-and-outs (1st in the NFL)
56% comp. allowed (1st in the NFL)
277.2 total yards allowed per game (3rd in the NFL)
Sure, those numbers are arguably inflated from competition against teams like the Commanders but make no mistake, the Eagles' D-side is nasty, nasty, nasty.
NFC East Shuffle
New York Giants (3-1)
Ohhhhhh, the Giants beat The Bears. Good for them, I guess. They’re the coolest guys working at Chili’s after Week 4.
Jokes aside, they did win the game in wildcat.
Probably not contenders, but nobody should sleep on these guys. Especially if Saquon remains healthy and Jones makes a recovery.
Washington Commanders (1-3)
They’re bad.
Dallas Cowboys (3-1)
“The Cowboys are good” — Big Cat, Pardon My Take. Lord, I hope he’s wrong.
Is Cooper Rush the X-factor? The guy’s 3-0. Also never forget the Boys' long history of backups replacing starters. Romo got his job over Bledsoe and even called Rush “a gunslinger.”
Skip Bayless “tried to tell us about Cooper Rush.” Currently, the dramatic old coot “feels sorry for Dak Prescott.”
Does Dak coming back spell doom for the Boys? Is Jerryland about to be embroiled in a “House of the Dragon” level battle for QB succession? Here’s hoping the Dallas Dorks get embroiled in a locker-room civil war.
Hot takes and hotter questions
One of the stat gods needs to keep track of Brady's 2022-23 performance pre and post his divorce becoming public knowledge. The ageless wonder has a lot to play for now.
The Saints double doinked to lose to the Vikings. Any member of the UK audience disappointed by a game being determined by a blown kick should know, that’s how your futbol makes us feel all the time. Also, a futbol game’s clock runs up so there’s no sense of impending finality. See you for the world cup.
Josh Allen shook off Week 3’s loss and beat The Ravens.
In a well-humored interview with his own impersonator, actual Eagles HC Sirianni confirmed: “Dog (apparently spelled ‘DAWG’) Mentality is a prerequisite of getting on this football team.”
However, when asked about his favorite cheesesteak place Sirianni copped out by saying the “Eagles’ cafeteria” as he was worried he’d sound like a tourist. Which means it’s probably Pat’s or Geno’s for Sirianni. His PR team let him down. Anybody in that administration knows that question is inevitably coming and they let him get up there and sound like it was his first day in town. The safe answer is Dalessandro's. The hot take is foregoing cheesesteak entirely for John’s Roast Pork. On a personal note, the roast pork sub is one of the greatest things I’ve ever put in my mouth. Period, full stop.
Kenny Pickett’s Steelers debut was marked by, well, lots of picks. Sooner or later he’ll shake off the new guy jitters. Until then? He’ll be kicked lying down because the football gods cursed him with a hilarious name for a guy who throws interceptions. Sorry, Kenny.
The 2022-23 Colts are playing with the same competency as the1986 nuclear plant managers at Chernobyl.
Deebo Samuel makes pro-secondaries in the NFL look like they need to retake their driver's license exam.
The Raiders beat the Broncos for their first win of the season! They remain 4th in the AFC West and Raiders fans remain concerned about what they must’ve done in a past life to deserve this.
Apparently, Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick is doing Shakespeare’s “King Lear” with football in his twilight years. In other words, he’s ruining his kingdom by dividing it among his sons (and friends).
The USC Trojans go 5-0 under Lincoln Riley’s stewardship. I don’t know what deal with what ancient deity the sports admin at USC made, but it’s paying off.
Nick Chubb remains the best thing about the Browns' offense. He’s currently rushed for 459 yards (2nd in the league). He’s also on my fantasy football team.
Nick Bosa has the most sacks in the league. Nick Bosa continues to play like the T-Rex in “Jurassic Park.” Every team assumes they’ve got him caged in and then boom, he’s disemboweling your QB.
Denver fans are upset and not because their city is (to quote Tim Dillon) “one bad mayor away from being Portland.”
Zach Wilson reclaimed his job from old man Flacco (who, seriously, is still alive and good at football somehow) and beat the Steelers. Sure, the Steelers beat themselves. But the Jets have a better record than the Pats. Somewhere in North Jersey and the greater NYC area, grown men are crying tears of spiteful joy.
Dog(s) of the Week
Miles Sanders (duh)
It hurts to do this, but Giants Coach Brian Doball. The guy basically lost both QBs and successfully ran a wildcat offense to win the game. He’s a first-year HC, by the way. Insane stuff. Woof Doball. I hate giving this award to rivals.
Tua. If there’s wrongdoing from the Dolphins organization, hopefully, they’re held accountable (don’t hold your breath, this is the NFL we’re talking about). In the meantime, here's hoping Tua makes a full recovery.
Wins and Losses
Loss: In Week 1’s edition a took a cheap shot for a joke about Tua being overrated. Big mistake. Did the Ravens' secondary collapse in on itself like a black hole? Yes. But did Tua capitalize for a legendary 4th quarter comeback? Also yes.
Loss: In Week 2’s edition, I suggested the Bills would brutalize every opposing team so badly that the Bills “should give out adult diapers” to their opponents. Welp, I was wrong. They lost to Tua’s Dolphins and barely squeaked by the Ravens.
Coming Up
The Eagles play the Cardinals. In fact, since the Philly’s made the MLB playoffs, it’s Cardinal hate week in the City of Brotherly Love.
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