Dog Mentality: A newsletter from a Birds fan abroad (or at least outside of Philadelphia)

Week 6: “Eagles vs Cowboys”

In 1876, James Butler Hickock, better known as “Wild Bill” Hickok, sat in a ramshackle saloon in Deadwood, (then) Dakota Territory. The famous cowboy sat playing poker at a small table situated in the back of the bar with his back towards the door. A man named Jack McCall entered the bar, walked up to the game, drew a pistol, aimed for the back of Wild Bill’s head, and snuffed out the legend with a single bullet.

On Sunday, October 16, 2022, the Eagles snuffed out a legendary Cowboy in the making. Only the Birds didn’t have a bullet, they had a lights-out secondary.

I know what you’re thinking dear reader: “A historical murder story to open the blog? Kind of dark, guy.”

To which your dear correspondent has only one response: “Oh, we’re being sore winners today baby.”

Birds Beat the Cowboys: 26-17 (6-0)

I’ll never climb Mt. Everest, so I can only imagine the bowel-shaking blend of ecstasy and relief climbers must feel when they reach the summit. However, I don’t have to imagine too hard. Philly fans experience that same pupil engorging sensation of ecstasy and stark relief every time the Eagles beat the Cowboys.

If you're a fan you know the feeling. I’ve never been wronged by Dallas, Dallas doesn’t owe me money, and it didn’t kidnap my firstborn son (mainly because I don’t have a kid to nap), however, I love watching Dallas lose. And lose they did.

Not to say the game was a cakewalk. It looked that way in the first half. The Eagles returned to the locker room with a 20-3 score. Everybody looked great, Sanders, Smith, Hurts, Gainwell, Brown, and the rest of the crew appeared to be ice skating around Lincoln Financial Field.

Plus, both First Lady Jill Biden and rapper Meek Mill attended the game (what a pair!). The Phillies clinched an NLCS run and the Flyers were undefeated. The electricity in the stadium cascaded out of TV speakers and lapped viewers’ feet like a rising tide.

Then the Boys readjusted. McCarthy, reminding everybody that he is, in fact, a good coach and not just a guy who should frequently check in with a cardiologist, switched to a no-huddle offense. And in the 3rd quarter, it appeared to be working. The Boys marched down the field to put up a touchdown and the ghost of Zeke Elliot showed up on the field to shove the ball down our throats.

Suddenly it was 10-20. Then in the 4th quarter, it went all the way to 17-20. For about 10 minutes of gameplay, fear wrapped up my innards like icy hands. Were we actually going to lose, at home, to Dallas? Freakin’ DALLAS?!

Frankly, I’m embarrassed I ever doubted the team. Sirianni and company regained composure and slowed the game down. Then Hurts and the offense did what all winning teams should do in the 4th quarter, they burned the clock and put up another tuddy to widen the gap to a 9-point game. (Sirianni got cute and went for 2. It failed, but more on that later.)

Their stellar, 4th quarter marathon consisted of 13 plays for 75 yards and took a whopping 7:37 to complete. That’s more than half a quarter.

Hard to play offense with your defense on the field, eh Dallas?

There’s been some fan grumbling about the Eagles’ ability to score in the second half (myself included). So before we wrap the overview I wanted to point out this is the second week in a row the Eagles won a game by maintaining possession in the 4th quarter (via NBC Sports). Letting teams back into games is never fun to watch. We’re not really shutting down the run the way we used to and it may have a bit to do with a certain premier D-lineman’s age.

So while the Birds could certainly do better to reduce their fan bases' acid reflux by just hammering another team to death, a win’s a win. The Birds are now 6-0 for only the third time in franchise history (1981 and 2004). Feels good to fly.

Finally, to any Boys fan who thinks “you only beat our backup” is a good take, let me remind you on behalf of all of Philly, we won a Superbowl with a backup. In fact, the Birds' backup beat Tom Brady.

See you on Christmas Eve, Dallas. Enjoy being number 3 in the NFC East.

T.B.T. (The Big Take)

Our secondary could lead its own action franchise. Give me “Die Hard” starring Darius Slay Jr. and C.J. Gardner Johnson now, please.

Before Week 6, Cooper Rush was 4-0 with zero interceptions. He started to look like he had the makings of a modern-day folk hero. His reputation went from “who’s Cooper Rush” to “did that backup just beat Burrow” to “he might take Dak’s job.” Then, he rolled into the Linc and got trounced by the Eagles' secondary. He threw 2 interceptions in his first 9 pass attempts and finished the night with 3 takeaways total.

I don’t think Rush is bad. In fact, I think Boys fans were starting to quiver under the stress of an impressive season being marred by locker-room drama over Dak’s return. Plus, clearly, the Dallas brain trust believed the kid could do it. The Cowboys' run game was basically non-existent in the first half. Plays were designed to keep the ball in Rush’s hands.

All of this wind up to say, our secondary rips this year. They made Rush look like a rookie again after weeks of the young QB performing like a seasoned journeyman. Now compare that to last season. Last season, QBs completed 80% of their passes against our defense. Last season, QB’s played Philly for career-high games. Last season, the Eagles' secondary had 9 interceptions and 12 total for the year. This season, they’ve already matched those numbers in 6 games.

NBC Sports even reports the opposing QB passer rating against the Eagles is 66%, down from 95.4% last year. To quote NBC Sports, it’s “by far the best in the league. The Bills are second at 71.2.”

Yeesh.

Defense and other things

We’ve talked about defense so let's talk “other things.”

Dallas linebacker Micah Parsons is a future hall of famer. The guy changes games, but the Eagles' O-line and the run game, mostly, kept him at bay. In fact, Parsons got so frustrated he gave up an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for shit-talking. It wasn’t always pretty — he disrupted the entire 3rd quarter when Lane Johnson left the field for a check-up — but in the end, credit to the offensive line coaches for scheming correctly. The plays Parsons went unregulated hurt to watch, so imagine if he’d been able to run wild the whole game.

I’d bet the house he’s thinking about it too.

Now an offensive rundown:

• AJ Brown can’t be stopped. The guy breaks first-contact tackles like dairy and hot sauce breaks my digestive rhythm.

• Miles Sanders has the 4th most total rushing yards in the — wait for it — entire league.

• Devonta Smith has an uncanny ability to appear out of thin air, right when the Birds need him.

• Jalen Hurts has only thrown an interception in 10 of 25 career starts. Currently, only 7 QBs in NFL history have had more interception-free games. Remember when everybody thought he was a bad passer? Get bent, stooges.

• Finally, Sirianni gets cute and goes for 2. Oh, it’s coming, read about it in my own personal “Loss Column.”

Last but not least, the NFC East is good and I’m tired of pretending it’s not. Sure, every team in the NFL can’t be the Bills, but the Birds, the Giants, and the Boys are all winning games.

NFC East Shuffle

• New York Giants (5-1)

  • So the Giants beat The Ravens. Sure, Jackson threw a heinous interception to close out the game, but them’s the breaks.

  • Saquon has the second-most rushing yards in the league.

  • Eagles v Giants may be the NFC East shootout that was promised.

• Washington Commanders (2-4)

  • The Commanders beat The Bears in a soccer match. I mean they won with 12 points via field goals.

  • The Commanders are so bad, when one of their fans tried cashing a 14K raffle check he won at a home game — it bounced.

  • Sell the team.

• Dallas Cowboys (4-2)

  • Nuff said here.

Hot takes and hotter questions

• When does the NFL step in and change the primetime game schedule? This season’s track record is looking like the track record of US presidents — there have been 3 good ones.

• New York teams are legit this year. Good news for bridge and tunnel folks everywhere. To the transplants who live in Manhattan, I imagine you don’t care.

• Are the Packers just bad? Can we say that? Talking heads maintain records don’t really matter too much until November, but the Packers look like they accidentally tucked their shirt through their zipper.

• Brady blows up on his own team! No real dig here, I imagine getting sacked sucks. Especially when you’re middle-aged.

• This year looks like the death wails of the old QB guard. Rodgers, Brady, Ryan, Russ, and even Stafford may want to start asking themselves just how brightly they want to flame out before the end.

• The Broncos make every team they face stoop to their level apparently. I never expected boring play from the Chargers, but low and behold they delivered it on Monday night.

• Ryen Russillo called Allen v Mahomes the new Manning v Brady. I don’t have any kind of statline to back that up, but it is so much fun to watch them play.

• Allen did not want to lose in Kansas City again. On one play, he fully hurdled a guy for a first down.

• Bailey Zappe is legit, look out Mac Jones.

• Nick Chubb is the Browns’ offense at this point. Which is good, again he’s on my fantasy team.

• Did the Texans lose their bye week? Because Vegas had the bye +2.5.

• Skip freaking out on Undisputed this week was glorious. He’s since gone on to declare The Birds may go 20-0.

• Jason Garrett said, “Fly, Eagles Fly” on national TV. Somewhere in Jerryland grown men are weeping.

Dog(s) of the Week

• Philly sports. Is it corny? Sure. But the whole city’s on its feet right now.

Wins and Losses

• Loss: In Week 1’s edition a took a cheap shot for a joke about Tua being overrated. Big mistake. Did the Ravens' secondary collapse in on itself like a black hole? Yes. But did Tua capitalize for a legendary 4th quarter comeback? Also yes.

• Loss: In Week 2’s edition, I suggested the Bills would brutalize every opposing team so badly that the Bills “should give out adult diapers” to their opponents. Welp, I was wrong. They lost to Tua’s Dolphins and barely squeaked by the Ravens

• Loss: In Week 5, I spent a lot of time praising Sirianni’s restraint in the face of “aggressive analytics.” Then in Week 6, he left points on the board by going for a pointless 2-point conversion. We won, so it’s not the end of the world. But come on guys, just get the points.

Coming Up

It’s a bye! Everybody watches the Phils. Here’s Ron Burgundy to close out this week’s edition.